39 weeks and counting. this baby can’t stay in here for forever – can he? my word, I certainly hope not. according to my midwife, “he’s cooked!”; when he’s ready, we’re ready! for those of you really curious, I’m 40 weeks on monday. my midwife and I will start to consider different inducement options at my next appointment, when I’ll technically be past my due date. I’m not inducement happy, by any means. S was three days past her due date, and there’s no reason medically between myself and G to induce today. or tomorrow. he just has to come out at some point, before week 42 rolls around. and maybe, just the thought of that will spur li’l G’s progress. we’re all crossing our fingers! we joked that we’d schedule it, and then he’d decide to kick start the process all on his own.
that being said, I’ve had a rough emotional week. it was a mix of “I’m the tough, non-emotional pregnant woman, I shouldn’t feel this sad/tired/discouraged”. but still feeling all of those negative emotions, despite all the help I’ve been given. S went to school twice this past week; my awesome sister took her for a full day, just because; R was home thursday and friday, and gave me a break then. but I was hot. and crabby. and discontent.
to be fair, I had some stress. I found out my grandpa, who lives miles and miles away, is still struggling with medical issues and some of them came to the forefront, including stressful trips to the ER and potential complications with different meds he’s been having to take. all of that, on top of my grandparent’s current, already stressful situation, is emotional and chaotic for everyone involved. my grandma’s sister is out there now, helping them get to the doctor [or ER], get meds, get food, etc. my mom is really stressing out, given that she has now flown to their home twice in the last couple of months – she’s balancing their care, trying to be in town for when G is born, and missing massive amounts of work that she later has to make up once back in town. [I’m worn out just thinking about that] then I found out that some bureaucratic paperwork I thought had been completed was NOT. considering it’s directly tied to having G, it was beyond frustrating. I also had to call some companies who didn’t cancel service like they said they would, and demand refunds that they’re very reluctant to part with. I hate being that person, but when you haven’t given me my $400, I’m gonna have to be that guy. sigh.
oh, and my future apartment was given away. apparently, there was a mix-up at the office, and before we signed our paperwork, someone else online secured the apartment. and no one realized the error until I had a utility question two weeks later. oh boy. now, they fixed it. the staff felt awful, and gave us first choice over any other apartment that would be available. so, we actually got rid of some amenities we did not want and it gained us a few things. 1.) less rent to pay and 2.) more time with the family. it was just one more thing in the midst of a stressful week that I would have preferred to have not tackled.
I was journaling yesterday [for the first time during that stressful week – perhaps I should have truly made time for that earlier, and saved myself some heartache!], and had some revelations that were both eye-opening and soothing. Oswald Chambers is a favorite of mine; his devotional style is short and to the point, and most days you can quickly identify what you’re struggling with and how to give it over to the Father so that you’re in emotional balance with him. it was an incredible reminder of how love begins as an emotion, but over time must become a choice – regardless of the relationship. it’s probably most easily applied to marriage, but it’s just as important for friendship and family relationships. the Father doesn’t love us because we’re cuddly and adorable all the time; He remains committed to all of us through an intentional choice because He desires our relationship so desperately. this was so good for me to remember, and therefore carry over for some relationships that I’ve been wrestling with recently.
I also realized how much I’d been wallowing in my pregnancy-induced sadness/listlessness/boredom. for those of you who have not heard of her, The Bloggess [aka Jenny Lawson] wrote an absolutely hilarious memoir entitled “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. on a whim while shopping, I decided to pick it up. she just published it a few weeks ago, I’d been really interested in reading it, and thought I’d treat myself for mother’s day. it was totally worth it. just as funny and witty as she is in her blog, the book had me rolling on the floor. [or ROFL, as the kids say these days]. as I was laughing, I realized that I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. and I needed it so badly. it was definitely worth the buy.
on a separate, but totally important and awesome, note: R is a doctor! I would say “haha, not that kind of doctor”, but I feel like it’s overused. perhaps because folks say that all the time in regards to Ph.D.’s. and dentists. and veterinarians. and pharmacists. wow, not a lot of love for those who aren’t medical doctors. anyway, R defended his dissertation this past week, and has no more roadblocks to the life he set out for a mere six [6!?!?!] years ago. he has some final clean up work to do on it, but his committee approved it, and he’s set for graduation. hallelujah! we move to Charleston with this officially done, and him set to become a professor at a lovely school in a lovely city.
between R finishing this massive piece of work, my devotions yesterday, and The Bloggess, I’m feeling considerably more centered today. if the baby comes this weekend, wonderful. if he doesn’t, he’ll be here shortly. and then I’ll be wondering why I so willingly traded pregnancy discomforts for lack of sleep. S is in a good place, and now that R is home full-time, she’ll be feeling even better. we have a roof over our heads [and one secured for our move!]; we have food in our pantry, with more on the way [once I get off the couch and grocery shop]; we have clothes on our back; and the love of our family and friends. we’re good. yeah, I’d say, we’re really good.